When it comes to buying a home, achieving a successful transaction is like honoring a sacred agreement. As a buyer, it's crucial to be diligent and strategic in managing your finances to achieve your dream of property ownership. The guidelines that follow, presented as commandments, should be taken seriously even if they are written in a humorous style.

I. Thou Shalt Not Change Jobs, Become Self-Employed, or Quit Thy Job

Stability is a lender's BFF! The golden rule here? Stick with your job while buying a home. Switching gigs could spook those mortgage folks - they dig that steady job flow. Even if you score a sweet new job, it could crimp your loan hopes 'cause it messes with your credit street cred.

II. Thou Shalt Not Buy a Car, Truck, or Van (or You May be Living in It)

Big-ticket items are like that friend who borrows money but never pays back - not cool for your debt-to-income ratio! Treating yourself to a fancy ride doesn't just mess with your credit score, it's also like telling your dream home, "Hey, I'm not ready for you yet!" So, maybe hold off on the splurges until you've got the keys to your castle!

III. Thou Shalt Not Use Credit Cards Excessively, or Let Current Accounts Fall Behind

Managing your credit before and during the home buying process is like dressing to impress for a first date with your mortgage lender. Keep those credit accounts in tip-top shape, show them you're responsible with timely payments, and avoid giving them any wild surprises. Remember, a strong credit history can sweeten the deal for those dreamy loan terms.

IV. Thou Shalt Not Spend Money That Thou Hast Set Aside for Closing

When you're almost at the finish line of buying a home, remember - every penny's got its place! Your closing costs and down payment aren't for a spontaneous shopping spree. Keep those funds safe and sound for their big debut, or you might turn your dream home into a nightmare before the paperwork party!

V. Thou Shalt Not Omit Debts or Liabilities from Thy Loan Application

Transparency and accuracy are a must for your mortgage app! Hiding debts could lead to loan denial - not the best plot twist! 😄 Be upfront about your financial situation to dodge those drama-filled complications!

VI. Thou Shalt Not Buy Furniture

Getting all excited about decorating your new place? Hold those horses! Don't go credit-crazy on furniture till that home loan is in the bag. Let's not turn your credit score into a rollercoaster ride or mess up that mortgage approval. Remember, Rome wasn't furnished in a day - you've got all the time in the world once that house is officially yours!

VII. Thou Shalt Not Originate Any Inquiries into Thy Credit

Being too eager to boost your credit or financial status with inquiries might backfire! Each inquiry could swipe points from your credit score. Keep your credit game low-key until the home purchase is in the bag!

VIII. Thou Shalt Not Make Large Deposits Without Consulting Thy Loan Officer

Lenders get all detective mode on big mysterious money drops in your bank account. Those labeled 'unacceptable' can trigger alarm bells and mess up your mortgage approval. Before you go depositing a ton, check in with your loan officer to keep things smooth sailing.

IX. Thou Shalt Not Change Bank Accounts

A solid financial track record is key for that mortgage nod. Switching accounts? Well, that's like hiding your financial past in a game of hide-and-seek! Stick with your current account while you navigate the home-buying maze.

X. Thou Shalt Not Cosign a Loan for Anyone

Cosigning a loan is like signing up for a group project in school - you could end up doing all the work while someone else gets the credit! 🤣 Avoid cosigning until after you've nailed down your dream home.

By internalizing and adhering to these commandments, you’re not only ensuring a smoother home buying experience but are also laying the foundation for a solid financial future. Property ownership is a long-term commitment, and it starts with disciplined financial conduct. Remember, the real estate realm rewards the prudent, and these guidelines are your keys to the kingdom.